It strikes me, yet again, that we are at a new beginning, and I am attempting to salvage a little of 0myself back through old mediums which I once loved. I am (currently) committed to finding myself this year, and apologies if I do yet another disappearing act along the way. I live in perpetual hope that it could be the year things make sense and feel, well, me again – Cheers to you, I hope the New Year brings you all you deserve.
Its 2024. What is on the agenda?
Sourdough for a start. I’ve started my ‘starter’ in the Twixmas period, and I am waiting for the magic. I have had a go at this before, it was an epic failure. But in my tiny little brain sourdough is the answer to the part of me that wants to stop buying shop bought loafs filled with all the stuff to make them shelf proof; in some kind of attempt to get rid of some of the processed shite from our lives. That, and who the hell doesn’t like fresh bread? Therefore, I am learning. My starter seems like it is going in the right direction (even when I have not followed all the rules to start with), and I am sure we will see.
Health and fitness Journey
I used to enjoy being active; running, weightlifting, yoga, dancing, but since my youngest arrived, everything has been difficult. He has been an unputdownable babe. And although that has some gloriously lovely parts, it has also had its problems. He will be 3 in April, and I haven’t spent one full day away from him. I find it incredibly hard to leave him with anyone or ask for assistance from anyone in anyway – the in-built guilt is insane. Even those closest to me, I can’t bring myself to ask – so because of my own guilt complex and fear of putting on someone, my self-care needs are unmet. It is down to me mainly that it has been this way, it is my issue. This needs to change, and I am the only one who can change that.
Cue attempting to be kinder to myself, fuelling myself well and moving in a way that feels good but works around the anxiety of needing or relying on anyone. I do not need a fad; I need realistic goals and continuity. That’s hard for me. I have never been good at consistency and to combat that I will be mixing up the movement on the weekly, and you will find no diets as such; I am just kicking processed foods and aiming to eat well. There will be some recipe experimentation I am sure, and I will share if anything jumps out and sticks. Send motivation my way, I will need it!
Hobbies?
Yes, to have some. Or just some interests.
Late 2023 I finally got an allotment plot. I have been on the wait list forever, and i adore the idea of being able to follow the process of seed to table. I have made a start and I have a rough plan in my head. It is just a case of consistency and getting the momentum going. Watch me grow this year. I do love hands in the dirt and seeing things bloom. Allotmenteer will be one hobbyist title with some work.
Reader, I was. I am. I think. Maybe. I’m hit and miss, but I do love an enjoyable read. The thing with me and books is, if it does not capture me within the first 2 chapters, then I am done. And no matter how much I try to convince myself I must get to the end to read something else; I just cannot continue. The number of books I have started and not finished due to this little personality flaw is unreal. Also, another quirk with reading for me; if I absolutely love the book, like wholeheartedly love it, I just can’t end it. Several of my books I could not bear to finish because then it would be over. Instead, I just put them down never to return, then it is like it’s never ending. It makes no sense. Arh the inner workings of my mind. It’s a curious place for sure.
However, I am putting in a measly 8 books to read in a year – a low, but realistic goal in accordance with my quirks. Yes, so, reader.
What is on your 2024 list? Do you do a yearly reflection or intention setting? I would love to know.
Here is to you. May you find smiles every day, stand for no shit, and truly find happiness for yourselves.
Xox, L
May Round Up
Here we are again. I’ll never give up. Although sometimes I’ll give in to the mood dips and depression and the overwhelm; I won’t give it up. Not for good.
It’s been a month. A month of holiday, family time and then loss too
The Holiday
We took a weeks jollies to Northumberland. Kielder waters and forest Park, and we loved it. Pure forest beauty which is right up our street. A little log cabin with a hot tub, falconry centre on site, wild life on the door step, swimming pool, spa, restaurants and all the beautiful places to visit that exist just a stones throw away.
7 days of pretty good weather, and a just family fun.
We visited Alnwick Castle and Gardens. The gardens being my favourite bit, but hubs preferred the castle. Delilah did a photography moment and got some pretty banging shots of the florals the garden was boasting. She’s not bad is she?! Almost six and she’s got a pretty good eye for it.
Hexham was another beautiful place we visit. We accidentally visited on a day filming for ITVs “Vera” was happening, but we managed to dodge that for the most part and visited the Abbey. The Abbey was brilliant. Lots of things for the kids to touch with a really relaxed atmosphere which is the kind of place we enjoy since our babes are so uncontrollably hands on.
We met a barn owl and plenty of other birds at the falconry centre show. I like to think I befriended a Robin too. The little fella came to visit and bravely came very close when I kept putting our nibbles for him (assuming it was a boy). Here he/she is.
Hubs booked me in for a lovely Indian head massage. Which was lovely, despite being told my chest was “robust” when the lady was adjusting the treatment bed– yes, thanks lovely. I do have boobs. I know nothing was meant by it, but young people and wording ehy?!
Anyway a good time was had by all, and we’re yet to receive the fine from the council… yet.
The Loss
Kitty cat India was taken ill 2 weeks before we went on holiday. She had lost weight, and had two masses in her tummy. It was suspected that the masses were Cancerous. But I had to give her a chance to get better so we got steroids, and appetite boosters and I spent the weeks before we went on holiday following my little love round and putting food in her face so I knew she was eating . I built her up, and she was looking much stronger.
We had three lots of lovely family members and friends popping to feed and love and care for them, but unfortunately when I returned India seemed to have lost more weight and her eye sight as well.
She was unsteady, and weak. Her little meow wasn’t even the same any more and barely made a noise. So the day after we arrived home, I had to make the decision to say goodbye to my 13 year old baby. And it hurt. It still does. I got to be with her till the very last breath, and I didn’t want to let go.
That cat (and her sister, who I lost 2 years ago) got me through my darkest days pre family. They pulled me from the very bottomest bottoms of depression and everything else in between. My OG girls. It was, for a long time, me and them against everything; and I’ll be forever grateful for them. I’ll miss them and their naughty antics always.
It’s time to spoil Dinah cat rotten and love her extra hard. My now solo cat, who is sitting extra close and having extra cuddles and fusses.
To Finish (for now)
I’ll leave you with a little photo dump of our trip to the beautiful Northumberland. And leave a little reminder to hold those pets close and love them hard because they’re never around long enough.
Much love,
Xox, L.
Grassington
Grassington has continually been a source of peace for me. I love it in that little village. There’s a certain road on the way, that as soon as the wheels hit, I feel at home. It’s a deep breath and a release of everything as soon as we cross that line.
Once a year Grassington, for as long as I can remember have put on a Christmas fair. Covid and lock down stopped us getting there for a couple of years, but I have memories of it going back to when I was young. It always made me feel the most Christmasy. Something both Rob and I want our kids to feel too.
It’s the first year after all the mess the government in combination with covid made, and we loved it. Parking a fair distance away, practically pulling the kids along to get to the stalls (it’s a very big hill from where we parked), the “I don’t want to wall, my legs hurt”, refusals of gloves and hats from the not so verbal tot AND IT SNOWED!
The fair was relatively small from what it used to be , but then it has been a little while; so airing with caution with what they put on I guess. It was still magical to me. The cobbled streets busy with walkers looking for a festive treat, eating street food and people watching. Dogs, oh my so many dogs to look at and admire. It was just a very good, very Yorkshire day.
It felt very good for the soul.
Delilah’s highlight was building the tiniest snowman, which she named Smoochie. Euan enjoyed watching the dogs around the village as much as I did. It did give us a festive boost.
The biggest boost is to come, when Delilah finishes school for the holidays. We can’t wait.
I’m happy to report that the elves have been keeping the babies entertained. Although unfortunately they had to refuse to move on the one occasion, because the kids were being totally feral. Hopefully the elves can stay till Christmas eve and then off they pop back to the North pole for the next year.
We’ve breakfast with Santa which Nana and Grandad are doing and then their actual Santa visit mid week where we will take them. Trying to squeeze in lots of things for our family festivities, let’s make all the memories.
What’s your Christmas countdown looking like? Do you like to stay busy or are you happy with quiet? Would you cancel all together?
Love always,
XOXO, L.
It’s Been A Buggy Week
Bugs, bugs and (you guessed it) more bugs!
We started with a two day wonder cough from Miss Delilah, two days of school snuggled on the sofa and watching Christmas movies. Then came my turn. A lingering bug I kept suppressing because everyone else needs something. True mum fashion.
Then there was Euan, a whole 5 days of being extra ratty, less sleep than usual, a cough and being stuffed up the poor little love. It doesn’t ever seem to be just a cols for Euan. He gets a cough every time and it goes straight to his chest. He had croup earlier in the year and I think its had a lasting effect. Luckily there was no sign of fever this time round, but we had a few wiped out days because no one (other than Delilah) was functioning to any level other than pure survival mode.
Then there was Delilah. Again. She came home Friday so sore and itchy. Worms! We followed NHS guidance, treated and boil washed everything we could, antibacterial’d everything. Dropped her off at school with the warning to her teacher and asking her to make sure she washed her hands after toilet stops and before eating. Now I thought this was common practice anyway, but boy was I wrong. Turns out, they didn’t let her wash her hands before she ate because they didn’t pass a bathroom on the way to lunch. Speechless? I know, I was for all of 10 seconds before having a massive shouty rant about it all to myself. I came to the conclusion home lunches would be a thing.
I initially asked the reception staff what the policy on home for lunch was. To which they didn’t have a clue, so I’m guessing its just not the done thing these days (although it was when I was at school). But having to go into school and ask the receptionist to ask the teachers and dinnertime staff to get the kids to wash their hands before they eat is a current low point of this place.
In better news, I’m about 3 gifts away from finishing the Christmas shopping . Which kind of excites me, as I’m feeling very lost and overwhelmed with it this year. Everyone I buy for (with kids as an exception) never want for anything. So what do you get people who literally buy themselves what they need and want all year round?! The kids have been a joy to shop for, and wrap. Call me odd, but I quite like the wrapping stage, making it pretty and of course the actual giving.
Christmas cards have been ordered, and a photo book of my babies for my Grandmother. Simply because, what else can you possibly do for your Grandma when she’s another one who just gets what she needs and wants all year long.
Next festive thing is the Grassington Christmas Market this weekend. We missed out last weekend because of all the bugs and grumpy sleeplessness between us. I actually can’t wait, I find it the most festive thing on my calendar. It really puts me in Christmas mode. I’m already thinking I’m going to need a bigger run up to next year. In all honesty, a cabin in the woods with snow and a freshly cut tree sounds like my kind of perfect too. It’s a winter goal of mine.
I’ll be off now to dream of that secluded, far away from school cabin and my snow and my trees.
Love,
Xoxo, L
December – The Month of The Elves
The month of December in our house, is utter chaos. A loveable type of chaos, but chaos all the same. I’d like to sit here and tell you all the elves will make an appearance for the first time tomorrow; but that would be a lie.
Our elves, Sharance and Trinx (dubbed by Delilah when she was 2 and a half) made this year’s debut last weekend. It is a little naughty of us, but we use the elves to put up the Christmas tree and decorations so that little hands do not get involved. We can get set up and just enjoy the kids’ faces the morning after we have done it.
The kids woke up Saturday to see all the decs out. Delilah was well impressed at the elves’ efforts and Euan, well, he just likes to yank the baubles off at every op. It leaves us wondering if we put it up too soon.
Sunday rolled round and the elves had only gone and arranged a North Pole Breakfast. And before you ask, yes, I am out of my mind. We started this tradition last year, and Delilah thought it was epic. So why would we not do it again and extend the invite?
In true Lotty fashion, I managed to have something going on the night before this NP breakfast, just to make set up for myself harder. I had booked to take my mum out to the theatre on Saturday night for a very belated birthday gift (I booked it back in February). It was a pretty good show, and we really enjoyed it. But I totally forgot it was the night before, then invited all Delilah and Euan’s cousins to this elven shindig on the Sunday morning. And I’m telling you, it was demanding work blowing up an 80-balloon balloon arch manually after midnight. We finally got to bed at 2am ish after a little retro finishing touch.
Sunday morning crept in too soon, and the kids were ready to go. Hubs and I could have done with a few more hours kip, but with Cousins on their way, pancakes needed to be made, maple bacon needed cremated, and gingerbread house needed Royal icing to glue it together so it was ready for sticky hands to decorate it. And all those blasted elves did was look on with that grin on their faces. You know the grin I’m talking about. It has a mocking quality to it. I was mocked.
The kids enjoyed it; my eldest Neice even made cookies all by herself to bring with her. They were brilliant and went down a real treat with our sugar jacked breakfast. They did a great job with the gingerbread house too!
After a very swift clear up or sorts, we headed out for tradition number 2. A Christmas photo shoot. Something we adopted last year for Euan’s first Christmas and hope to continue for as long as we can. Aren’t they cute?
December brings us packed out weekends on the run up to Christmas, full of old traditions and creating new ones. Do you have any Christmas traditions?
Happy December 1st everyone!
Love,
Xox, L
Lotty Langhorn 